The start of soo much more.

So yesterday I thought about how to fix the problem. How do I go about getting better? A suggested that I see my dr. and maybe get medication. A different A told me that I would spend weeks trying to get the right thing and I would be void of all feeling. So I instead decided that helping other people makes me feel better soooo. Hmmmm... how can I help others?

Well my Dad's been pushing me to find a support group that deals with Hirschsprung's. I CAN"T FIND ONE! I search and search and I find maybe 3 and of those 3 none of them have more comments than 6. I need more. So he suggested making my own! I was like no. Thats not going to work. Than I started to think.

So now I have launched www.myhirschsprungsbaby.blogspot.com. Its a look inside Deacon and his illness. Im hoping that it will become a place for "experienced" parents to help new HD moms to figure out whats best for their child. Ive messaged 3 other blog parents I've found in hopes that they will help me out with their expertise. I only know what has and hasn't worked for Deacon a long segment baby. I've researched a little about short segment but Im no where near a mom who deals with it on a day to day basis. I would LOVE it if you could go there and send everybody you know there and comment so that it would turn up in google searches! Thanks guys!

The end of the line.

So, I havent been feeling like myself recently. Ive told a few people that I feel depressed. I feel sad all the time, I dont want to do anything, and I cry ... alot. Its hard.


So this is what I have figured out so far.
With all of Deacon's past surgeries after the fact I can pretend that he's fine. When someone asks me how he is, I reply, "great!" And I push all my feelings and thoughts and fears to the back fo my mind. I know now that if I had been honest with everybody I would be breaking down all the time. So it was like a survival thing. I just kept thinknig as soon as he has his last surgery he will be just like every other little boy. Which as we now know, is false. He will always be different. Yes my son is going to have alot of trouble potty training. Yes we are going to have to make a special diet for him. My Dad told me this morning that I have to start thinkning of him as handicapped. The reason fdor that is that when I will be thinking like that I will be way more open to see his problems. But thats hard. Handicapped? Are you sure? So for the last 2 weeks, Ive been trying to deal, the best I can, and its not working. IM DEPRESSED!!!! All I think about all day long is the mistakes Ive made and how scared I am to make more. Thats not me. I told my Dad last night that I wished that Deacon could just live inside me, that way I could protect him forever. I DONT feel that way about Riley. Riley I love to see him trying new things and falling. To me that means that he is learning and becoming stronger. But with D its hard because its like hes sitting on a teeter totter. Barely staying on.
So I just thought that you would like to know whats been going on with me. Suckyness. I have decided that I want to start a blog just for D and for other parents who are going through the same things. Like what to feed him and how to make him grow.

On a happier note, Deacon now weighs 15 lbs!!